Timelessness

Some things are forever. The entertainment of a pile of leaves is timeless. Look backward; you can see all our ancestors as children, jumping in and getting leaves stuck hair to shoes. Look forward; at what point can you imagine this will not be fun?

On Sunday the boys piled up the leaves that have fallen so far and made up all sorts of games to play. When they laugh together as a band of brothers it is a shot of happiness straight to my soul. Sometimes I am convinced that they need each other even more than they need me. And I can live with that.:)

I've been thinking a lot about joy, happiness, and contentment this week. How they are not the same, but are interrelated. Justin talked about it on Sunday in class and it has stuck around. Buzzing in my head at frequent intervals. Of all the people I know, who would I say is joyful? If I were to pick a single word description of a person, would joy be the word for any? And what would be their word for me?

Joy is like sunshine. It's warmth goes deep. When I'm around a joyful person their joy sinks into me. I wonder what sinks into other people when they are with me.

Reflections

Sometimes it's good to take a look at yourself.

I took a trip to my past for a few hours last week. A very low key reunion of sorts (20 years!) for the Concord High School Class of 1990. Went golfing on the course I learned on, watched a parade, went to a football game, spent a few hours with "old" classmates. Loved it!

I left wishing I could have talked to more people. Especially the people I was closest to then. I want to hear their stories. The choices they made and how that shaped them. I wonder what kept them away.

It got me thinking about the decisions that shaped me and who I have become in the intervening 20 years. Decisions that were obviously formative. We are going to seek employment in Colorado after graduation. I am going to continue to work after we have a family. Decisions that were made for us. Being laid off. Family members that "divorced" us. Decisions that were made so gradually and intricately that they are hard to define.

It's that last set upon which I've been dwelling. What part of "me" has been made so without intention? What have I accidentally become? Because today is the first day of the next 20 years. Who shall I be then?

"We make our decisions and then our decisions turn around and make us." - RW Boreham

What decisions are making you?