Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Made Perfect

My thoughts are so unruly today. Skittering, like roaches when the light comes on. Fractured like sunshine on the water. Stinging like hornets.

Cole has struggled controlling anger at school and at home all year. The littlest issues ramp up fast and furious. After two years of adoring school he now hates it. Yesterday was the worst explosion yet. They have gradually escalated up to this point.

We have tried everything we know to try. We are calling in the professional cavalry. He needs tools to get this in hand and we are, obviously, not able to give him those tools. He won't get to speak with the school counselor until tomorrow and we'll find someone for the summer very soon. Worry is scratching away at my concentration. What will today hold for him? Helplessness is picking at me incessantly.

I love him more than life. This hurts a mother's heart so bad. How do I make sure he hears the message that this situation is not okay, but he is okay? That God made him exactly as he is ON PURPOSE and that good will come out of this struggle?


We have church friends who are expecting a baby with abnormalities. We met to pray over them and the baby. After that meeting God put the word PERFECT on my heart real strong. I looked it up in my exhaustive concordance that night because other than the word itself I didn't see the point of this prompting. I didn't know what scripture said about perfect/perfection. I read the entries, but still didn't hear a relevant message in them. Then I looked at the concordance closer. Two words jumped out at me. Repeated over and over.

MADE PERFECT. MADE PERFECT. MADE PERFECT.

Then the message was clear to me.

God made each of us just right.

Exactly as intended.

NO mistakes.

Complete with thorns for each of our bodies, things to struggle against and struggle for.

We are made perfect.

I have cried so many tears since 3:30 yesterday when we got the call. My eyes ache.