Lost it

Yeah. What Cole looks like. That was me yesterday. The other two look like they are holding back grins. I certainly didn't give off that vibe while I was YELLING and acting like an idiot toward these three beauties.


Each day over Spring Break this week I have given them a task to complete together. On Monday they did it. On Tuesday they didn't get very far because it was very windy and part of the task was outside. I gave them a pass and said they could finish on Wednesday. Yesterday they did not finish the task from Tuesday and they didn't even remember Wednesday's assignment,. And they left stuff all over the floor of the family room again.On the way home after baseball practice and dinner I told them that I expected them to finish the tasks I had given them before they went to bed.

We got home. Then the complaints started.

And I lost it.

Even as I was in the middle of completely overreacting I knew it was going to cost me. It's not like this is my first rodeo. It goes like this: 1) Children do something that disappoints 2)I express my disapproval with conviction 3) Children feel guilt. Often they weep. 4) I feel like a turd and deal with reciprocal guilt for days.

So today's task? To forgive Mom. I'm sure this one they have already completed. Their hearts are so open and pure toward me. I am so undeserving.

Why is it hardest to extend (and receive) forgiveness to yourself?

So what do I do NOW?

For three years I have been a part of the Children's Worship program at Littleton. At some nebulous point I went from team member to team leader. It became "mine" simply because I was willing. My boys needed a place to belong and be excited about coming to church. So I stepped up. It evolved over time, changing with each new "Children's" Minister we had. It didn't suit all children and it didn't suit all parents, but it was the very best we could make it. It served a small/short congregation of 60 each week. We had a strong, dedicated team. It used all my skills. By the end I thought it was excellent.

Three years, to the day.

It's not mine anymore. We hired a Children's Minister and quite suddenly I am relieved of all my duties. As is appropriate, she is building her program as she wants it. I believe she will do a good job, even though it is different than what I would do.

So what am I supposed to do now? When the thing you were doing, the thing you felt called to do is no longer needed, what do you do next? How do you re-find purpose? I am a do-er by nature and abruptly I find myself with nothing to do. Lord, I am listening. What am I to do next?

Those kids that always acted up and gave me trouble?

I miss them. A lot.